It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
