I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
