i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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