if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
