I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
