I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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