I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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