Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave