Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"