Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't