She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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