I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Boobs are out for the taking
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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