first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize