I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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