theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
