He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
