ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's always time for handjobs
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
