I am in a vortex of obligation.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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