i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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