phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize