So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
