Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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