so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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