I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize