I hate your face
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
