and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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