I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
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