Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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