i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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