she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
