She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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