Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
