did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
