ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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