The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
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I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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