Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
