i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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