Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
