Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this boner is exhausting
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
