Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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