VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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