i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
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