so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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