In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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