im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize