she's into porn, im staying here tonight
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
