from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
