Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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