my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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