i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
that's an acceptable place to lick
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
