i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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