I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
