Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he puts the penis in happiness.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
