You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
