Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
