If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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