Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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