Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
there's paper in my vomit.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
