I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
