I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
