Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize