Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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