Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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